“If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar.” -Song of Solomon 8:9
I studied Song of Solomon back in January and realized that I had been playing a bit too fast and loose with my emotional intimacy with people. (Okay, specifically, men. Okay, specific men. Anyway.) So I retreated, and really just in time, because this quarter brought a lot of physical and emotional stress that was plenty to wrestle with on my own, never mind if there were a Y chromosome mucking up my life.
But some of my (ironically) male friends helped me realize that I’d walled out God too. My answer to the question, “Do I trust God to let Him mess up my life?” was a resounding No. And that’s not the way I want to live. I want to trust God, who’s been marching around my wall for the past two months blowing trumpets of blessings at me while I’ve been shivering in the basement. For some reason, though, my walls are all or nothing and honestly, I’m afraid to let the walls come tumbling down, even for Jesus, lest all the other riffraff come gushing in.
But maybe instead of a wall, I need a cell membrane. The cell membrane is selectively permeable because of its hydrophobic structure; polar molecules and ions can’t make it through. But the cell membrane is punctuated by proteins that allow transport of these vital molecules in a controlled fashion. One type of protein is called an aquaporin, which allows water molecules to cross freely. And isn’t Jesus the Living Water? So right now I’m working on letting Jesus in…to possibly mess up my life. It’s a little scary, but it’s been a thirsty few weeks and I’m ready to give it a try.