by Peggie Coletti Bohanon
Lord, send me someone sincere and true,
Someone who wholly belongs to you;
And then to me to give a part
Of a very tender and loving heart.
Full of fun yet strong and steady too,
Someone to lean on and who trusts in you.
His life in service to you he’ll give,
And our lives for you we both shall live.
A gracious, exciting, understanding man,
The one for me that you have planned.
The ideal man of my life to be,
Strong of heart and soul, yet gentle with me.
He’ll hold me close and always want me near,
He’ll need my love and often call me dear.
I’ll walk so proudly by his side,
My happiness complete when I’m his bride.
I’ll open my heart to his love evermore.
Where’er he is, Lord,
Send him knocking at my door!
This woman wrote another poem that was prophetic and encouraging for my recovery from eating disorder, so I thought I’d check out the other writings on her website. Once my brain stopped bleeding from the sheer obnoxiousness of the site design, I found this poem. As I read, I agreed with everything until I got to the line I’ve bolded above.
This is something I have always struggled to understand. As I was praying last week, I realized that my previous relationships, actual and attempted, failed in part because I was not whole, and trying to find my wholeness in another person is a recipe for failure. But the Bible says that man had no suitable helper, so woman was created. Was Adam incomplete without Eve? Am I incomplete without a significant other?
I certainly don’t feel that way…in fact I am closer to wholeness now than I ever was even in a relationship. Moreover, I see no reason to potentially jeopardize that by adding anyone else to the equation. To quote Alanis Morissette (not the most biblically aligned source on relationships, granted), I believe that one and one make two, but people (including Christians) are always going on and on about finding “their other half.” The thing is, I’ve tried that. That’s all I’ve ever tried, actually, and it always failed. So how do I reconcile the need to be whole in Christ with what appears to be God’s design for a man and a woman to be together?
Maybe our wholeness comes from Christ but our completeness comes from a spouse. I’m not sure exactly how that works, but maybe it’s like…a two-volume book. Each volume is an entire work but each is also part of a set that tells a complete story. Hmmm. Not sure how well that analogy works for me.