O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.”
But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift b]”>up my head.
To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep;I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.
Arise, O LORD! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked.
From the LORD comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people.
It’s hard for me to keep up posting on here since I write everything down in my journal but I have to decide what to share, and then make time to make it a little more coherent. About a week ago I was having some major body image issues again, and the temptation to purge became extremely strong. But as I prayed in desperation, I saw in my mind the face of a friend whom I had asked to pray for me the night before. The thought of him, and all the other people who love me, praying for me stopped me short of sinning against my body.
How great God is for protecting His own victories! He is not army that invades, vanquishes, and destroys; He stays and rebuilds the land and governs wisely. Before my recovery began, I knew that my eating disorder would hurt the people who cared about me, so I never told anyone just how bad it was. I figured they wouldn’t understand, and I was right, but I was wrong to think they wouldn’t care. A crucial part of recovery for me was the ability to talk about it, first to other women who had or were experiencing the same things, then to my spiritual sisters, then to my parents, and finally to the world at large. In this way I constructed a system of accountability, but not in an oppressive or coercive way. I was open with these people because I knew they loved and cared for me; in the same way, they could better love and care for me because I was open with my weaknesses. There were a lot of things that helped turn things around for me, which I will write about eventually, but this was one of the most important ones, the true knowledge that I was loved by God and people and that there was no need to hate myself.
Here’s proof of how far I’ve come…I went downtown Sunday with some photography buff friends to model for them, and when I saw the shots, for the first time since I’ve been at this weight I actually thought, “Hey, I really like the way I look in these!” And that is such a huge breakthrough for me. Thanks, Paul and Shing, for making me look pretty, and thank you, God, for making me pretty.