>Now I lay me down to sleep

>This week I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend for the last time before he moves to another city for work. For the first time in a long time, we sat and talked as friends, which was nice, but saying goodbye proved much harder than I anticipated and I had to wrestle with a lot on my own afterward. I couldn’t help feeling that he was taking away the love I once bore him, however childish that may be, and it scared me to think I might never have that again. Even though I knew that, with him, I could never be the woman I am becoming, I couldn’t help mourning the little girl I felt was dying. But as I was praying, God spoke this to me:

Mark 5:39-42
He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. 41He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means, “Little girl, I say to you, get up!” ). Immediately the girl stood up and walked around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished.

I need not be afraid because my capacity for love is entirely dependent on God’s grace, which is infinite. I see Him actually protecting me from giving my heart away willy-nilly…that little girl is in the safest place possible. Maybe someday she’ll be awakened again, but only by her Father. This promise is consistent with what God has told me about my heart all along:

Song of Solomon 8:4
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

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