>Rest in Peace

>On Wednesday my daily reading passage was Psalms 3-5, and I fittingly read this right before bed.

Psalm 3:5 – I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
Psalm 4:4 – In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
Psalm 5:3 – In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Twice in two weeks my sleep has been perturbed by dreams about my ex. After all this time, these dreams are less hurtful than baffling, because I thought I had resolved everything on my end, and as far as I know, our interpersonal relationship is as reconciled as it needs to be right now. But it still bothered me a little, and it bothered me that it bothered me. Oswald Chambers wrote in Tuesday’s devotion in My Utmost For His Highest, “[God] will reveal inordinate affection,” so at the advice of a wise friend I simply prayed for God to reveal any lingering attitudes, thoughts, or emotions that weren’t supposed to be there. I’ve concluded that even though I no longer want him, that doesn’t mean I can’t, or shouldn’t, care. Ironically, that was something I could never quite grasp while we were together, so indeed, as Chambers wrote, God had to take me through disappointment of heart to impart that lesson to me. In any case, I am learning to see and pray for him as if he were a runaway brother, and now all I want is for my Father to find him and bring him home. And that is my request, which I present in the mornings, and upon which I wait in expectation.

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