God, I have to admit that I’m afraid to move forward on Africa because I’m afraid you’re actually going to say yes. I know that I’m allowed to say no, but I don’t want to put everyone through the process of approving me, only to say no.

If you were approved, why would you say no?

Because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of going and not being able to handle it.

Is my grace not sufficient for everything?

I know I should believe that, but I guess I’m not there yet. I’m sorry.

That’s okay. That’s normal, that’s natural, because you’ve never had to rely on my grace much, at least for material needs. Your life has always been structured so that you don’t have to. That’s not a sin, but it does make it much harder to trust me, doesn’t it?

Yeah, it does. Please help me to trust you. (I know that’s like asking for patience, but I really do want both.) Let me look for no guarantees in this life but you.


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